One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good

news and some bad news", God said. Adam looked at God and said, "Well,

give me the good news first." Smiling, God explained, "I've got two

new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be

very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with

Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow

you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this

planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her

children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to

me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" God

looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when

I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these

organs at a time."

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Two nuns are asked to paint a room in the convent.

Concerned about getting paint on their habits the two nuns decide to

lock the door of the room, strip off their clothes, and paint in the

nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?", calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can

come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

The man smiles and say, "where do you want these blinds?"

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        USA Today:
              WE'RE DEAD

        The Wall Street Journal:
              DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS 

        National Enquirer:
              O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN 

        Playboy:
              GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE 

        Microsoft Systems Journal: 
              APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE 

        Victoria's Secret Catalog: 
              OUR FINAL SALE

        Sports Illustrated:
              GAME OVER

        Wired:
              THE LAST NEW THING 

        Rolling Stone:
              THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR 

        Readers Digest:
             'BYE

        Discover Magazine:
             HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT 
             AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

        TV Guide:
             DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR! 

        Ladies Home Journal:
             LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON"   
DIET!

        America Online:
            SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN.  TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES. 

        Inc. magazine:
            TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE 

        Microsoft's Web Site:
            IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, 
            DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE. 

        Sun:
            ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE!

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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner

with her and her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl

tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for

the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before,

so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to Nackte Frauen get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy

everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register,

the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy - a

3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack

because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and

all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his

girlfriend at the door.

"Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy

goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents

are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head

down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally,

after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and

whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a

pharmacist!"

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A preacher who wanted to raise money for his church was told there

was a fortune in horse racing, so he decided to buy a horse and enter

it in a race.

However, at the local auction the going price for horses was so

steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead.

He figured, however, that since he had it he might as well go ahead

and enter it in the races. To his surprise, in the first race his mule

came

in second. The next day the racing sheets carried this headline:

PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS

The preacher was so pleased that he entered the mule in another

race. This time it won and the paper said:

PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered

the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The new headline

read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS

This was too much for the bishop and he ordered the preacher to get

rid of the animal. The preacher gave it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The

headline the next day said:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted. He told the nun that she would have to dispose

of

the donkey and she finally found a farmer who would take it off her

hands

for $10.00. The paper said:

NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS

They buried the bishop the next day.

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A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both

cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is

hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar

and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars.

There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from

God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live

together in peace the rest of our days."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign

from God."

The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My

car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine

didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our

good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest.

The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to

the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on,

and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, "Aren't you having

any?"

The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

  TOP
Muschi Muschis